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Staying The Course PT.1

HE WAS THIRTY-EIGHT HOT. HE WAS SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF A DARK ROOM. WE LIVED IN A BOARDING HOUSE. AS I WALKED THE HALL GOING TO THE BATHROOM TO TAKE A BATH I PASSED HIS ROOM. THE DOOR WAS OPEN BUT IT WAS DARK. ALL I COULD SEE IS THE LIGHT FROM HIS WEED. THEN I HEARD HEY OVERSEER MAN CAN I TALK TO YOU. HE SAID MAN JUST LISTEN OKAY. I LEANED ON THE OPENING OF THE DOOR AND SAID WHATS GOOD. THEN HE ROCKED ME WITH THESE WORDS. HE SAID MAN YOU KNOW THAT WOMAN I’M DATING WELL HER DAUGHTER PREGNANT FROM ME. HE THEN SAID MAN I’M SO IN LOVE WITH HER DAUGHTER I WATCH HER TWERKING VIDEOS WHILE HAVING SEX WITH HER MOM. I EVEN SHOOT HER BOYFRIEND DEAD. OVERSEER I’M IN LOVE MAN. AT HER PROM I PICKED HER UP OUTSIDE THE DANCE AND TOOK HER TO THE MOTEL. SHE HAD ME SCREAMING DAMN,DAMN,DAMN. SHE IS NOW HEADING TO COLLEGE AND NEED MONEY. SO I JUST ROBBED OUR LANDLORD. THIS HIM LAYING OVER HERE BESIDE MY BED. OVERSEER DO YOU THINK I CAN STILL JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS. BEFORE I COULD SAY A WORD THE LAW WAS AT THE DOWNSTAIRS DOOR. I WALKED DOWNSTAIRS AND OPENED THE DOOR. AS THEY WERE CHECKING ALL THE OTHER ROOMS I WALKED BACK TO HIS ROOM. AS MY EYES COULD SEE FULL VIEW OF THE ROOM I NOTICED THE WINDOW WAS BROKEN. HE HAD JUMPED FROM THE WINDOW. NOW WE WAS ON THE SIXTH FLOOR BUT FOR SOME REASON HE STILL FELT HE COULD JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS. I WALKED FURTHER DOWN THE HALL AND THE LAW ASKED WHERE ARE YOU GOING. I SAID I DON’T KNOW ABOUT HIM BUT I’M STAYING ON COURSE AND TAKING MY BATH…..JTD

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STAYING ON COURSE PT.2

ONE WOULD THINK JUMPING OUT A SIXTH FLOOR WINDOW WOULD KILL THE NORMAL PERSON. BUT THIS DUDE TRULY HAD JUMPED THROUGH DARKNESS AND SURVIVED. WHILE WORKING AT A HALFWAY HOUSE THREE YEARS LATER I RAN INTO HIM AGAIN. AS MY EYES LOOKED UPON HIM I COULD TELL SLEEPING AROUND WAS A THING OF THE PAST FOR HIM. AS I WALKED UP TO HIS WHEELCHAIR I ASKED, HOW ARE YOU FREE. HE SAID I TOLD THEM IT WASN’T ME. I LAUGHED THEN ASKED HOW YOU FEEL. HE SAID OVERSEER MAN I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH THAT DAMN GIRL. HE SAID I WISH I KNEW WHAT SCHOOL SHE WENT TO I WOULD ROLL MY CHAIR ALL THE WAY THERE. HE THEN SAID SHE CALLED HIM ONCE AND SAID SORRY DADDY BUT YOU CAN’T PUT IT DOWN LIKE YOU USE TOO SO I’M GONE. HE THEN ASKED SO OVERSEER DID I JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS. I SAID I CAN’T REALLY SAY YES BUT YOU DID CHANGE YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU JUMPED OUT THAT WINDOW SO. I THEN TOLD HIM I WAS TIRED FROM WORK AND WAS HEADED HOME TO TAKE A BATH. ….JTD

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HOLDING ON PT 1 ITS NOT EASY

IT’S NOT EASY TO TELL YOU NOT TO DRINK. AFTER ALL DRINKING HIDES SOME PAIN IN TIMES WHEN YOU HAVE NO ONE EVEN FRIENDS. A DRINK CAN TURN YOUR SAD DAY INTO A DAY YOU CAN LIVE. YOU DO WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY SAYING TO YOURSELF I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT. PEEPING OUT YOUR WINDOW WONDERING IF ANYONE NOTICED YOU. OR MAYBE THEY HEARD THE WORDS OF A HATEFUL DRUNK ACTING A FOOL. YET THAT DRUNK LEFT WHEN YOU WOKE UP. NOW YOU LEFT TRYING TO FIX PROBLEMS THE DRUNK INSIDE YOU CREATED. THE DRUNK INSIDE YOU HAS NO FAVORITES. JUST THE LABEL ON THE BOTTLE AND ITS FLAVOR. BUT YOU MUST JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND HOLD ON BECAUSE AFTER THE DRINKING THE MENTAL BATTLE STARTS…..JTD

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HOLDING ON PT. 2 THE MENTAL HANGOVER

WHILE BECOMING SOBER YOU WILL NOTICE YOU HAVE SOME PROBLEMS. NOTHING SHOWS YOU THE WEAKNESS INSIDE YOU LIKE A HANGOVER. THE THINGS YOU FEEL SORRY FOR IS YOUR FIRST CLUE. EVERYTHING YOU THINK ABOUT THE NEXT DAY IS ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AND YOU. THE EMOTIONS THAT YOU HAVE OFTEN TIMES MAKE YOU FEEL SAD AND BLUE. BECAUSE IN YOUR MIND IF YOU WASN’T DRUNK THINGS LIKE THAT YOU WON’T DO. HOPEFULLY YOU MAY BE ABLE TO JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND FIX SOME THINGS EASY. BUT IF YOU CAN’T THINKING TO MUCH ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN’T CHANGE WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY. SO AS YOU SIT THERE WITH YOUR HANGOVER. HOPE THAT YOUR DRUNKEN NIGHT ENDED WITH NO PROBLEMS. BECAUSE MANY DRUNKEN NIGHTS END IN A KRIMINAL SAGA……JTD

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HOLD ON PT.3 A DRUNKS SAGA

ALONG ALCOHOLIC ROAD YOU GET DRUNK AND FIGHT MENTAL BATTLES. NO BATTLE IS GREATER THAN THE KRIMINAL SAGA YOU CREATE WITH A LIQUOR BOTTLE. WHEN YOU SOBER THEY SAY YOU ACT LIKE YOU WAS BAPTIZED IN A POOL OF NICE. WHEN YOU DRINKING YOU ACT LIKE YOU WANNA TAKE EVERYBODY LIFE. A BROKEN BOTTLE IS A WEAPON EVEN WHEN YOU DRINKING ALONE. SITTING IN YOUR OWN KITCHEN WITH A KNIFE IN YOUR HAND GETTING MAD AT THE WALLS. YOU MUST JUMP THRU DARKNESS AND UNDERSTAND IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT STOP DRINKING TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS. TO WIN YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE COMPLETE RIDE ALONG ALCOHOLIC ROAD AND THE MENTAL BATTLES WITHIN IT ALL. ONCE YOU DO LIKE A BROKEN PICTURE GOING BACKWARDS IN TIME. YOUR LIFE WILL BE FIXED ONE PIECE AT A TIME. SO HOLD ON ALONG ALCOHOLIC ROAD……JTD 

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How To Stop Shi_ In Your Life

BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT STARTS IN THE BATHROOM. WHILE SITTING THERE DOING THE NUMBER TWO. YOU REACH OUT AND GRAB THE TOILET PAPER TO WIPE. AFTER YOU WIPE YOU PULL UP YOUR CLOTHES. OKAY STOP RIGHT THERE AND THINK ARE YOUR HANDS CLEAN AT THAT MOMENT. NO THEY ARE NOT. NOW YOUR CLOTHES HAVE _HIT ON THEM. OR THEY HAVE THE SMELL ON THEM. OKAY YOU WASH YOUR HANDS AND GO OFF IN LIFE. NEXT THING YOU KNOW HERE COMES SOMEONE OR SOMETHING FULL OF _HIT ENTERING YOUR LIFE. BECAUSE _HIT ATTRACTS _HIT. SO LEARN TO JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND LEAN OVER WHILE SITTING ON THE TOILET AND WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU PULL UP YOUR PANTS.THIS WILL SURELY STOP ALL THE BULL BEFORE ALL THE CRAP BEGINS….JTD

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Never Give Up On Life

YOU MIGHT HAVE CANCER. YOU MIGHT HAVE AIDS. YOU MIGHT HAVE ALZHEIMER’S. YOU MIGHT BE FIGHTING ADDICTIONS. NOBODY MIGHT SEEM TO LOVE OR LIKE YOU. SOMETIMES YOUR ONLY FRIEND IS A BIRD IN THE TREE. EVEN THAT BIRD WILL EVENTUALLY FLY AWAY. YOUR TEARS SEEM MEANINGLESS WHEN AS SOON AS YOU STOP CRYING ABOUT ONE THING. YOU START CRYING ABOUT ANOTHER. ASKING SOMEONE TO LIFT THE ROCK THAT YOU ARE UNDER TO RELIEVE THE PRESSURE. MAKING YOU WANT TO GIVE UP THE FIGHT FOREVER. BUT JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS DOWN DEEP INSIDE. NEVER GIVE UP ON LIFE. SO LIFE WON’T GIVE UP ON YOU. IF THE SKY IN YOUR LIFE ISN’T BLUE THEN PUT ON SOMETHING BLUE AND MAKE LIFE DO WHAT IT DO. IF THE SUN DON’T SEEM TO SHINE. LIGHT A MATCH, TURN ON A LIGHT, OR JUST OPEN YOUR EYES WIDE AND SAY I SEE LIFE JUST FINE. TREES NEVER CRY WHEN THEY LOSE LEAVES SO DON’T YOU GIVE UP ON YOUR LIFE OR YOUR DREAMS….JTD

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One Tear

AS SHE LIT HER DRUGS THE CHILD LAUGHED IN BED BESIDE HER. SOON THE DRUGS TOOK OVER AND OUT THE DOOR SHE WENT. THE CHILD LAID THERE ON THE BED WATCHING NICK JR. HOURS PASSED AND THE CHILD LOOKED AND LOOKED FOR HER AROUND THE ROOM. SHE HAD LOCKED THE DOOR SO HER PARENTS COULDN’T GET IN. THE PARENTS DOWNSTAIRS BEDROOM WAS TO FAR TO HEAR THE CHILD CRY. THE CHILD BECAME HUNGRY AND SAW SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE CANDY, THAT WAS LEFT ON THE TABLE BY THE CHILD’S MOTHER. THE CHILD LAID BACK DOWN WITH WHAT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE CANDY AND STARTED BACK WATCHING NICK JR. THAT CHILD LAUGHED AND ATE. THE CHILD CRIED A LITTLE WHILE LOOKING AROUND FOR THE MOTHER TO RETURN. BUT THE CARTOONS KEPT THE BABY LAUGHING UNTIL THE CHILD ATE ONE TO MANY OF THE HEROIN PILLS. THE CHILD WAS FOUND DEAD WITH A SMILE AND ONE TEAR…….JTD

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Your Journey

When you start your path to sobriety it can be tricky. New problems will show up in your life. These problems are to test your sobriety. If you pay attention it will be a version of an old problem. It will test you to see if you rely on the drugs and drinking again like you use too. You know the arguments that lead to you walking out the house, jumping in the car. Then returning home late hours of the night talking about baby I’m hungry. While they sitting there wondering if whooping an addict with a belt is against the law. Sobriety isn’t a new shirt you wear every two to three days. It won’t turn off like a light bulb. It will lead you to new grounds and new paths if you let it. Now look in the mirror in your bathroom. First look at yourself with the light on for about ten minutes and really think about your life. Then turn the light off for ten minutes and look into the mirror and think. Now before you get mad at me for having you stand in the bathroom in the dark. Ask yourself which version of you made you feel better. If you can smile at the light just think of it as your sobriety. Then continue your journey through darkness……JTD

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An Alcoholic’s equal attitude

After you begin to Jump Thru Darkness with your addictions you will become a different person. You will never see things as others see them. That’s because a drunk or addict doesn’t see things like color, race, or religion. Depending on when you started your habit, your habit helped you form your attitude towards life. As a drunk or addict whoever had was your friend. If someone wanted to get drunk and high with you nine times out of ten you was in. So when you Jump Thru Darkness and get clean don’t be surprised when it seems as if you are on another level in life. One that makes you feel like you have passed the color challenge. One that makes you feel as if you have painted a multi-colored race life style. One that makes you listen to any religion as long as it keeps you clean and sober. Somewhere while Jumping Thru Darkness you picked up a alcoholic’s equal attitude. Maybe that’s why Noah from the bible was called upon. Cause a drunk or an addict only see’s one world. Just a thought from a drunk…..JTD

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Fighting for your Dignity and Decency

Dear addictions,

You have taken my dignity and decency. While under addictions spell everything seems to be well. You do and learn things that seem okay in all life. But you never see the cost is your dignity and decency right. As addicts we sleep around, masturbate, cheat, lie, etc… and all in the world seems good. Your body will always like to feel good. Once you Jump Thru Darkness and become clean, you will notice that addictions still exist even when the drugs and alcohol are put down. You will notice habits you learned while in your addiction, that threatens your dignity and decency. It never bothered you before because your body loved it all. Now and forever more is the time to fight once more. You must Jump Thru Darkness to fight for your decency and dignity and return to normal. Don’t worry about being right or becoming a christian. Just worry about earning back your dignity and decency, while Jumping Thru Darkness with your sobriety…JTD

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Find A Way…

Find a way black friend, black friend. Punching right while kicking left is the way of man. No one feels sorry for the broken or needful. Keeping an eye on racist creatures while ducking bullets from your own people. Trying to find the best color to love while dealing with hate from your own. Water is dry when it’s compared to a black man’s tears. Only a shadow in the dark can mention his fears. Running to a missing father while leaving behind his own children. Becoming a man without supervision. As a child says daddy come back home in their whispers. A drug and a drink to help him think. Never feeling that his addictions are making him sink. Black man,black man you can solve any problem. But when it comes to your addictions you have no answer. Black man, black man don’t just read this. Black man, black man JUMP THRU DARKNESS and understand this. If you not a black man and yet you still reading this. When I say black man I mean all men that’s fighting for something. That’s making a way out of nothing. So in the end we’ll feel like our lives meant something. Not to impress others but to feel like we didn’t live our lives in vain. While fighting our addictions with pride instead of living in shame. Black man, black man find a way…..JTD