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SWIM

I was in a southern state inside an down south city, that smelled like a down south city with the temperature to match. You know the type of city that you don’t notice when night comes cause it’s so dirty. The type of city that you can drink 24 hours of the day missing sunrise and sunset cause everything just seems motionless. Where the cops just lean against a wall, and you tell them to chase you and they say, man go head on its too hot for that. The type of heat that your parents say i’m beat you when it get cold type of hot. Well one evening or morning honestly I can’t remember what time it was I was very much buzzed off liquor. Anyway walking back to my rented room I had to cross a bridge that crossed the river. As I got closer to the bridge something said,”swim”. Now I never walked without a beer. I sipped the drink and took another step forward. The wind blew me down and I rolled since the bridge was on a hill. I landed at the bottom. As I stood up all I could see in front of me was the water. I looked up the hill to the bridge and at that moment I heard, ” just swim across its quicker”. I walked to the edge of the water and its seemed as if the water was reaching for me. The waves reached further and further towards my shoes. I stood there for about 30 minutes sipping my drink thinking about swimming across. Wondering if it was a test from the God’s. I didn’t plan on failing any test from the God’s after all even to be hired as a janitor in heaven is better than earth’s hell. But at that moment I noticed something. I noticed I was out of drink. I can’t swim across empty handed I told myself. So I climbed up the hill, crossed the bridge and entered the nearest store. I left the store with something new to drink. I looked back at the bridge and finally Jumped Thru Darkness and said hell i’m almost home now and kept walking forward. As I walked away from the bridge I could still hear the words in the wind, ” come back for a swimmmmm”.

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Pain, Sadness, Guilt and Time (P.S.G.T)

If you are having problems staying clean and sober. Look to the water of the nearest river,lake or ocean. Just think you started to sober up and wondered how you ended up in the middle of that water about to drown. As your mind gets clearer you decide to fight for your life. Meaning you go swim like no swimmer has ever swam before. But you are then attacked by ( P.S.G.T). First you are grabbed by the legs with pain. The pain that made you get high. The pain that made you get drunk. So you start to swim a little slower. Next a storm of sadness covers the sky. You start remembering your lover leaving you. You start remembering all your friends that passed away. So you begin to swim even slower. At that point the fins of guilt surround you. You still try to swim but your own self induced guilt tries to stop you in place. Finally the huge waves of time passing while you barely swim takes it toll and you almost drown. As you wait in the water for someone to show up walking you have to Jump Thru Darkness and just think. Guilt is a two way street. Your addictions made you do things but those that condemn you aren’t addicts just pure evil. So start back swimming. Yes pain is there but pain is apart of life. So reach them arms out and swim a little more. Of course, sadness can make a home fall but sadness can be beaten with a simple smile. As for time well its a two edged thing. Because if you Jump Thru Darkness you will notice over time you stopped swimming and started walking and winning your life back…..JTD
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Filling Yourself With Something New…..

All addictions seem to fill us with things that meet the moment. Meaning your addiction makes you tough when you need to be tough. Your addiction makes you crafty when you need to make a cup or something to smoke with. It surely makes it easy to tell a story to get you out of a jam. But over the years you are filled with the emotions from your addictions. The you that was inside drowned over the years in your addictions. So when you Jump Thru Darkness and start your sobriety walk, you will notice the feeling of nothing! You might find yourself trying to balance to walk like a toddler. All old things like people and relationships will sound like bees buzzing and never shuts up. Every moment you find yourself saying ” they don’t know me like that”. If you look in the mirror at that same time even if you are clean you will see the face and red eyes of an addict. Something that worked for me is finding a moment to yourself to heal your mind and soul. Every now and then turn off the phone and Turn off the television. Find you a cook book and a old song your grandma would play. Then remember sitting in the kitchen eating those homemade biscuits. Rebuild your feelings from a special moment. Disregard the feelings that hurt and made you feel needy. Cause feeling needy leads to feeling lonely, and feeling lonely makes you want to party. Party leads to addictions…etc. So find a new routine and remember the good soul moments of your life and Jump Thru Darkness and get in that kitchen and make you a new meal to feel your new sobriety with….JTD

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Sobriety Is Often Solo

When you start to Jump Thru Darkness. It can make you feel like mending old relationships. No matter how clean you may become nothing can mend if the other side still have addictions in their lives. All you can do is demand respect from others for the new person you have become. If they refuse to respect the new image and dedication you have for your sobriety. No matter how much it hurts or how close you are to the person. Make your sobriety your shield. Those people will never change and the only thing that would happen is you would fall off the wagon. So like a champion remember there is only one belt in sobriety and you are the one wearing it. You did the steps for you, you changed for you, you won for you…..So Jump Thru Darkness and don’t lose for them!!!!!

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REVISITING KIM

I REMEMBER KIM SAYING TO ME. YES I USE MEN FOR THEIR MONEY. YES MEN USE ME FOR MY BODY BUT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY MIND. SO IN BOOK ONE I TELL YOU HOW I HAD JUST ARRIVED IN HER CITY BY BUS AND SHE WAS WORKING THE SIDEWALK. SHE WAS A VERY GOOD WORKER. SHE HAD NO COMPLAINTS BY ANYONE. I ARRIVED LATE TOO LATE TO RENT A ROOM OR GO TO THE SHELTER. SHE WALKED OVER TO ME AND TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT YOU CAN READ IT IN BOOK ONE. SHE LET ME STAY IN HER HOTEL ROOM FOR THE NIGHT AS LONG AS I WATCHED HER BABY THAT SHE HAD LEFT ALONE TO MAKE MONEY. SO YEARS LATER I RETURNED AND FOUND KIM THE MANAGER OF THAT SAME BUS STATION ( SHE WORKED AND SOLD HER BODY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP ). THAT WAS YEARS AGO, A FEW DAYS AGO KIM FOUND ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU GUYS THIS, KIM SAID ” LISTEN PEOPLE I KNOW I DID SOME SAD AND UNLADY LIKE THINGS BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND I WAS DOING EVERYTHING I DID FOR ME AND MY CHILD. PEOPLE ALWAYS ASSUME YOU OF BEING A BAD PERSON BECAUSE YOU DO THINGS OTHERS FROWN DOWN ON. THEN SHE SAID THEM SAME PEOPLE DIDN’T LEND A HAND. THEN SAME PEOPLE DIDN’T FEED MY CHILD. THEM SAME PEOPLE WALKED BY WHEN I WAS IN THE STREETS WORKING AND INSTEAD OF HELPING ALL THEY DID IS RUN THEY MOUTHS OR DO BUSINESS WITH ME. FUNNY THEY DON’T TALK WHEN THEY GETTING THEY FREAK ON. NOW I’M THE DISTRICT MANAGER WITH A HUSBAND AND FOUR KIDS. I’M THE BOSS OF MY OWN LIFE. YES THEY STILL TALK ABOUT ME AND WHAT I USE TO DO BUT I JUMPED THROUGH DARKNESS AND SAID TO MYSELF, EVERYDAY IS MY WAY LIFE GAVE ME SOMETHING. WHAT ABOUT YOU…..I TOLD KIM I WAS PROUD OF HER. SHE THEN TOLD ME WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE THINGS WE DID WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER. I TOLD HER NO WE DON’T. I TOLD HER I REMEMBER THEM NIGHTS VERY, VERY WELL. THEN I TOLD HER SOME FIRES YOU LET DIE. YES A FIRE THAT BURNED LIKE OURS WAS GREAT THEN BUT WE MAY JUST GET BURNED NOW. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HEART VS THE MIND AND WE BOTH KNOW OR MINDS WOULD WANT OUR HEARTS TO RELIVE THOSE NIGHTS BUT WE KNOW IT WOULDN’T END RIGHT. I THEN SAID YES IT WAS GOOD THEN AND BLEW OUR MINDS BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE SHOULD PRESS REWIND. WE ARE JUMPING THROUGH DARKNESS FOR A BETTER FUTURE NOT TO RELIVE THE PAST. SHE SAID WHATEVER I’M BE IN TOWN THIS WEEKEND WRITE MY ROOM NUMBER DOWN……..SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE BUT AT LEAST SHE HAD A PLAN. SOME PEOPLE DO THE SAME THING AND TRY TO SLEEP THEIR WAY TO THE TOP. ONLY THING IS THEY NEED TO JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND OPEN THEIR EYES TO THE FACT THAT FIRST YOU NEED A JOB. MANY SLEEP THEY WAY TO THE TOP OF AN IMAGINARY JOB. LEAVING THEMSELVES WITH BROKEN HOPES AND DREAMS. SO WHATEVER YOU DO IN LIFE MAKE IT COUNT…..JTD

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IF YOU DON’T YOU WON’T

IF YOU DON’T THINK IT. YOU WON’T DRINK IT. IF YOU DON’T HOLD ONE. YOU WON’T HAVE ONE. IF YOU DON’T BUY NONE. YOU WON’T NEED NONE. JUST HAVE SOME CLEAN FUN. IF YOU NEED HERE’S A JTD TRICK THAT YOU CAN USE. GET YOU SOME KOOL AID SINGLES AND PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKET OR PURSE. RED IS THE BEST COLOR AND I’M TELL YOU WHY. IF AT A CLUB AND YOU FIGHTING NOT TO DRINK. ASK FOR A GLASS OF WATER. THEN MIX IN THE KOOL AID. DON’T DO IT IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS CAUSE THEY WILL KNOCK IT OUT YOUR HAND. NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE DRUNK AGAIN. NOPE DO IT SO NO ONE SEE’S THEN AS YOU WALK UP TO THEM, IF THEY ASK YOU TELL THEM ITS A MIXED DRINK. TRUST ME NO ONE WILL HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY. BUT IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF KOOL AID AND THIRSTY THEY WILL SAY WOW YOU CAN DRINK. BUT NEVERTHELESS YOU WILL BE JUMPING THROUGH DARKNESS AND HAVE FUN WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS WITH YOUR KOOL AID SUPPOSE TO BE LIQUOR DRINK. SO REMEMBER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DRINK YOU WON’T…….JTD  

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I WAS THE MAN

I WAS THE MAN WHEN I WAS DRINKING AND DRUGGING EVERY NIGHT. WASN’T I THE MAN WHEN I HELPED YOU FIGHT. I KNOW I WAS THE MAN WHEN SHE LET ME STAY OVER EVERY NIGHT. BUT WAS I THE MAN WHEN THE JUDGE SAID 10, 20, TWO LIFE. DID THE TEARS FROM MY EYES MAKE ME LESS THAN A MAN FOR THE CRIMES. BUT IN MY MIND AS I STOOD THERE I COULD STILL SMILE CAUSE I KNEW SOMEBODY WAS STILL CALLING ME THE MAN SOMEWHERE. DIDN’T I JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND STEAL A METER WHEN YOUR LIGHTS GOT TURNED OFF. DIDN’T I JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS WHEN I CALLED THE MANAGER AT THAT THERE RESTAURANT AND SAID MY ORDER WAS MESSED UP. EVEN WHEN I DIDN’T BUY FOOD BECAUSE I NEEDED TO FEED YOU. I KNOW I WAS THE MAN WHEN I SHOWED UP TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOU AND YOUR SISTER WAS BOTH HAVING MY KIDS. I MEAN EVEN AS THEY TAKE ME TO DO MY TIME.  I WAS THE MAN WASN’T I ???……JTD

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FIGHTING THE DARKNESS

MANY OF YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. YOU TRY TO FIGHT FOR WHATS RIGHT. YOU TELL THEM TO STOP DRINKING AND SMOKING. YOU HAVE GIVEN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE INSIDE TO SAVE THE ONES YOU LOVE. I SEE YOU STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DARKNESS WITH A LIGHT THAT’S TRYING TO DO WHATS RIGHT. EVERY NOW AND THEN I SEE YOUR LIGHT GO OFF AND ON AGAIN. YOU WANT TO GIVE UP BECAUSE NO ONE LISTENS. BUT YOU JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND KEEP STEPPING. WHEN FIGHTING THE DARKNESS OFTEN TIMES YOU WILL FEEL LIKE THE LAST OF GODS ARMY FIGHTING ALONE. BUT YOU MUST STAY STRONG. GO A LITTLE CRAZY IF YOU HAVE TOO. BUT WHAT EVER YOU DO DON’T LET THE DARKNESS CONSUME YOU. NO MATTER IF IT IS ALCOHOLISM, DRUGS, OR TRYING TO GET YOUR TEENS TO LIVE RIGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY. IT IS STILL YOUR JOB TO ALWAYS FIGHT AGAINST THE DARKNESS…….JTD

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Beware Of Empty Hearts (Heart vs Mind)

WHILE JUMPING THROUGH DARKNESS WITH ADDICTION AND THE MENTAL BATTLES, YOU ALSO HAVE TO DEAL WITH AFFAIRS OF THE HEART. HERE’S A SHOT OF TRUTH. IF YOU GIVE YOUR LOVE TO A MAN. A MAN WILL TAKE IT. IF YOU GIVE YOUR LOVE TO A WOMAN. A WOMAN WILL TAKE IT. YOU NEVER REALLY GET TO LOVE WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO LOVE. YOU OFTEN FIND YOURSELF DATING WHO’S SINGLE. WHEN YOU YOUNG YOU DATE FOR LOOKS. AS YOU GET OLDER YOU DATE FOR MONEY. WHEN YOU GET TIRED OF ALL THE DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS YOU DATE FOR LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP. SAD THING IS BY THEN A QUICK ONE DOES THE JOB AND YOU COULD CARE LESS. WHEN YOU DO TRY MOST OF THE TIME YOU TRY LOVING PEOPLE WITH EMPTY HEARTS. LOVING A PERSON WITH AN EMPTY HEART IS LIKE LIVING IN A HOUSE WITH NO FURNITURE. AFTER AWHILE THE HAPPINESS OF BEING IN THE HOUSE IS REPLACED WITH THE SADNESS OF NOTHING IS INSIDE THE HOUSE. SOME WOULD RATHER BE IN A ROOM FILLED WITH FURNITURE THAN TO BE IN A HOUSE WITH NOTHING BUT WALLS. NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT YOU LOVE. JUMP THRU DARKNESS AND MAKE SURE THE HEART YOU LOVE ISN’T EMPTY. BECAUSE YOU WILL SPEND YOUR DAYS LOVING IT UNTIL YOUR HEART IS EMPTY. LEAVING YOU LOVELESS AND HOPELESS AS THE PERSON MOVES ON TO THE NEXT ONE LIKE A EMPTY HOUSE BEING RENTED OUT……..JTD

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WRONG CANT STAND RIGHT

IT WILL BE TIMES WHEN YOUR WRONGS WON’T STAND YOUR RIGHTS. IF YOU A TEACHER WRONG WILL HATE WHEN YOU RIGHT. IF YOU A PREACHER WRONG HATES YOUR WHOLE LIFE. IF YOU A STUDENT AND AT SCHOOL EVERYDAY AND EVEN STUDY EVERY NIGHT. WRONG WILL LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND HATE THE RIGHTNESS OF YOUR SHADOW AND LIFE. IF YOU A THUG AND DECIDE NOT TO FIGHT. YOU WILL NOTICE THAT BEING RIGHT IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT FIGHT. IF YOU A PARENT WRONG CAN’T WAIT TO SAY YOU ARE NOT PARENTING RIGHT. LETS JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND BREAK DAYLIGHT. CAUSE WRONG WILL NEVER RESPECT RIGHT. SO KEEP DOING YOUR THING AND LIVE EVERYDAY FOR THE RIGHT.

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Lactose And Tolerant

To jump through darkness I teach you many methods. One of my latest is called LACTOSE AND TOLERANT. You begin by noticing all the people in your life that are lacking (lac).  You must then find a way to rid yourself of such people in your life.  Never let anyone plan a trip for your life when they don’t have a destination for their own. Once you get rid of all the lacking people in your life you then give them a toast (TOSE) goodbye. Understand that life will still have its share of twists and turns. So learn to tolerate such things until you become tolerant to all things. Becoming tolerant to all things will make it harder for you to fall for anything. Becoming tolerant will allow you to endure all things of this world better than most helping you to easily always JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS. So today start JUMPING THROUGH DARKNESS by becoming LACTOSE AND TOLERANT….

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IT’S RAINING

IT’S RAINING. AS YOU LOOK AROUND AND WONDER WHY I SAY IT’S RAINING WHEN YOU NOT WET. YOU DON’T EVEN SEE A CLOUD IN THE SKY. BUT IT’S RAINING ON YOUR LIFE. YOU WENT FROM A CHILD OF THE CHURCH TO LOVING TO CURSE. MOST WOMAN HAVE WENT FROM BEING THE BETTER HALF TO BECOMING THE MAN. MOST MEN WOULD RATHER GIVE BIRTH IF THEY CAN AND CALL THEMSELVES WOMEN. IF YOU JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS YOU WILL NOTICE THAT IT’S RAINING. KIDS OF KIDS HAVE THE ANGER OF THE HURT OF LIFE. NO CHOICE THEY MAKE EVER SEEMS TO BE RIGHT. NO MATTER WHAT ROAD YOU GO DOWN. IT LEAVES YOU WITH A FROWN. YOU DON’T EVEN GET KICKED WHEN YOU ARE DOWN BECAUSE YOUR LIFE SEEMS LOWER THAN THE GROUND. DRINKS AND DRUGS SOMETIMES TAKE AWAY THE PAIN. ALL WHILE LEAVING YOU LIVING A LIFE OF SHAME. WAIT THERE IT IS. RAIN! DO YOU FEEL IT NOW. MAYBE YOU FAKE FEELING IT WITH SMILES. BE CAREFUL TO IGNORE IT CAUSE YOU MIGHT DROWN. LET THE WORDS OF JUMPING THROUGH DARKNESS BE YOUR UMBRELLA IN LIFE. TAKE EVERY WET DAY IN STRIDE. AND WHEN THE ANGELS OF YOUR SOUL START JOYFUL SINGING. REMEMBER THAT IT’S STILL RAINING….JTD 

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BATHROOM

SEE WHAT HAPPENED WAS…….I ARRIVED HOME FROM THE CLUB DRUNK. I LIVED ALONE SO YOU KNOW NO ONE WAS THERE. SO WHY WAS I LOOKING AROUND LIKE SOMEONE SHOULD BRING ME SOME FOOD. ANYWAY I WAS DRUNK AND NEEDED A BATH. SO I TOOK OFF MY CLOTHES IN THE LIVING ROOM AND HEADED TO THE BATHROOM. PICKING UP HALF DRUNKEN BEER ALONE THE WAY. IT TOOK ME ANOTHER HOUR TO GET TO THE BATHROOM BECAUSE OF THE MUSIC AND DRINKS. FINALLY DRUNKER AND FEELING GREAT I MADE IT. I WENT IN AND LOCKED THE DOOR. LIKE SOMEONE WAS WITH ME. BUT TRUTH IS I DIDN’T TRUST THE WALLS PAINT WHEN I DRINK. IN THE SHOWER I WENT AND GOT CLEAN. STEPPED OUT AND STARTED TO OPEN THE DOOR. IT WOULDN’T OPEN. I TWISTED IT AGAIN AND IT WOULDN’T OPEN. I PUT ON A TOWEL AND LAID DOWN IN THE TUB. I LAID MY DRUNK HEAD TO THE SIDE WONDERING HOW COULD SOMEONE HELP ME UNLOCK THE DOOR. WHEN I BECAME SOBER I JUMPED THROUGH DARKNESS AND NOTICED THE RUG ON THE FLOOR WAS BLOCKING THE DOOR. YOU WOULD THINK I WOULD HAVE QUICKLY LEFT THE ROOM. NOPE I JUST SAT THERE WITH A HANGOVER FOR AWHILE IN THE BATHROOM…..

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Staying The Course PT.1

HE WAS THIRTY-EIGHT HOT. HE WAS SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF A DARK ROOM. WE LIVED IN A BOARDING HOUSE. AS I WALKED THE HALL GOING TO THE BATHROOM TO TAKE A BATH I PASSED HIS ROOM. THE DOOR WAS OPEN BUT IT WAS DARK. ALL I COULD SEE IS THE LIGHT FROM HIS WEED. THEN I HEARD HEY OVERSEER MAN CAN I TALK TO YOU. HE SAID MAN JUST LISTEN OKAY. I LEANED ON THE OPENING OF THE DOOR AND SAID WHATS GOOD. THEN HE ROCKED ME WITH THESE WORDS. HE SAID MAN YOU KNOW THAT WOMAN I’M DATING WELL HER DAUGHTER PREGNANT FROM ME. HE THEN SAID MAN I’M SO IN LOVE WITH HER DAUGHTER I WATCH HER TWERKING VIDEOS WHILE HAVING SEX WITH HER MOM. I EVEN SHOOT HER BOYFRIEND DEAD. OVERSEER I’M IN LOVE MAN. AT HER PROM I PICKED HER UP OUTSIDE THE DANCE AND TOOK HER TO THE MOTEL. SHE HAD ME SCREAMING DAMN,DAMN,DAMN. SHE IS NOW HEADING TO COLLEGE AND NEED MONEY. SO I JUST ROBBED OUR LANDLORD. THIS HIM LAYING OVER HERE BESIDE MY BED. OVERSEER DO YOU THINK I CAN STILL JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS. BEFORE I COULD SAY A WORD THE LAW WAS AT THE DOWNSTAIRS DOOR. I WALKED DOWNSTAIRS AND OPENED THE DOOR. AS THEY WERE CHECKING ALL THE OTHER ROOMS I WALKED BACK TO HIS ROOM. AS MY EYES COULD SEE FULL VIEW OF THE ROOM I NOTICED THE WINDOW WAS BROKEN. HE HAD JUMPED FROM THE WINDOW. NOW WE WAS ON THE SIXTH FLOOR BUT FOR SOME REASON HE STILL FELT HE COULD JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS. I WALKED FURTHER DOWN THE HALL AND THE LAW ASKED WHERE ARE YOU GOING. I SAID I DON’T KNOW ABOUT HIM BUT I’M STAYING ON COURSE AND TAKING MY BATH…..JTD

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STAYING ON COURSE PT.2

ONE WOULD THINK JUMPING OUT A SIXTH FLOOR WINDOW WOULD KILL THE NORMAL PERSON. BUT THIS DUDE TRULY HAD JUMPED THROUGH DARKNESS AND SURVIVED. WHILE WORKING AT A HALFWAY HOUSE THREE YEARS LATER I RAN INTO HIM AGAIN. AS MY EYES LOOKED UPON HIM I COULD TELL SLEEPING AROUND WAS A THING OF THE PAST FOR HIM. AS I WALKED UP TO HIS WHEELCHAIR I ASKED, HOW ARE YOU FREE. HE SAID I TOLD THEM IT WASN’T ME. I LAUGHED THEN ASKED HOW YOU FEEL. HE SAID OVERSEER MAN I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH THAT DAMN GIRL. HE SAID I WISH I KNEW WHAT SCHOOL SHE WENT TO I WOULD ROLL MY CHAIR ALL THE WAY THERE. HE THEN SAID SHE CALLED HIM ONCE AND SAID SORRY DADDY BUT YOU CAN’T PUT IT DOWN LIKE YOU USE TOO SO I’M GONE. HE THEN ASKED SO OVERSEER DID I JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS. I SAID I CAN’T REALLY SAY YES BUT YOU DID CHANGE YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU JUMPED OUT THAT WINDOW SO. I THEN TOLD HIM I WAS TIRED FROM WORK AND WAS HEADED HOME TO TAKE A BATH. ….JTD

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HOLDING ON PT 1 ITS NOT EASY

IT’S NOT EASY TO TELL YOU NOT TO DRINK. AFTER ALL DRINKING HIDES SOME PAIN IN TIMES WHEN YOU HAVE NO ONE EVEN FRIENDS. A DRINK CAN TURN YOUR SAD DAY INTO A DAY YOU CAN LIVE. YOU DO WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY SAYING TO YOURSELF I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT. PEEPING OUT YOUR WINDOW WONDERING IF ANYONE NOTICED YOU. OR MAYBE THEY HEARD THE WORDS OF A HATEFUL DRUNK ACTING A FOOL. YET THAT DRUNK LEFT WHEN YOU WOKE UP. NOW YOU LEFT TRYING TO FIX PROBLEMS THE DRUNK INSIDE YOU CREATED. THE DRUNK INSIDE YOU HAS NO FAVORITES. JUST THE LABEL ON THE BOTTLE AND ITS FLAVOR. BUT YOU MUST JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND HOLD ON BECAUSE AFTER THE DRINKING THE MENTAL BATTLE STARTS…..JTD

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HOLDING ON PT. 2 THE MENTAL HANGOVER

WHILE BECOMING SOBER YOU WILL NOTICE YOU HAVE SOME PROBLEMS. NOTHING SHOWS YOU THE WEAKNESS INSIDE YOU LIKE A HANGOVER. THE THINGS YOU FEEL SORRY FOR IS YOUR FIRST CLUE. EVERYTHING YOU THINK ABOUT THE NEXT DAY IS ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU DID AND YOU. THE EMOTIONS THAT YOU HAVE OFTEN TIMES MAKE YOU FEEL SAD AND BLUE. BECAUSE IN YOUR MIND IF YOU WASN’T DRUNK THINGS LIKE THAT YOU WON’T DO. HOPEFULLY YOU MAY BE ABLE TO JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND FIX SOME THINGS EASY. BUT IF YOU CAN’T THINKING TO MUCH ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN’T CHANGE WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY. SO AS YOU SIT THERE WITH YOUR HANGOVER. HOPE THAT YOUR DRUNKEN NIGHT ENDED WITH NO PROBLEMS. BECAUSE MANY DRUNKEN NIGHTS END IN A KRIMINAL SAGA……JTD

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HOLD ON PT.3 A DRUNKS SAGA

ALONG ALCOHOLIC ROAD YOU GET DRUNK AND FIGHT MENTAL BATTLES. NO BATTLE IS GREATER THAN THE KRIMINAL SAGA YOU CREATE WITH A LIQUOR BOTTLE. WHEN YOU SOBER THEY SAY YOU ACT LIKE YOU WAS BAPTIZED IN A POOL OF NICE. WHEN YOU DRINKING YOU ACT LIKE YOU WANNA TAKE EVERYBODY LIFE. A BROKEN BOTTLE IS A WEAPON EVEN WHEN YOU DRINKING ALONE. SITTING IN YOUR OWN KITCHEN WITH A KNIFE IN YOUR HAND GETTING MAD AT THE WALLS. YOU MUST JUMP THRU DARKNESS AND UNDERSTAND IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT STOP DRINKING TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS. TO WIN YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE COMPLETE RIDE ALONG ALCOHOLIC ROAD AND THE MENTAL BATTLES WITHIN IT ALL. ONCE YOU DO LIKE A BROKEN PICTURE GOING BACKWARDS IN TIME. YOUR LIFE WILL BE FIXED ONE PIECE AT A TIME. SO HOLD ON ALONG ALCOHOLIC ROAD……JTD 

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How To Stop Shi_ In Your Life

BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT STARTS IN THE BATHROOM. WHILE SITTING THERE DOING THE NUMBER TWO. YOU REACH OUT AND GRAB THE TOILET PAPER TO WIPE. AFTER YOU WIPE YOU PULL UP YOUR CLOTHES. OKAY STOP RIGHT THERE AND THINK ARE YOUR HANDS CLEAN AT THAT MOMENT. NO THEY ARE NOT. NOW YOUR CLOTHES HAVE _HIT ON THEM. OR THEY HAVE THE SMELL ON THEM. OKAY YOU WASH YOUR HANDS AND GO OFF IN LIFE. NEXT THING YOU KNOW HERE COMES SOMEONE OR SOMETHING FULL OF _HIT ENTERING YOUR LIFE. BECAUSE _HIT ATTRACTS _HIT. SO LEARN TO JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND LEAN OVER WHILE SITTING ON THE TOILET AND WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU PULL UP YOUR PANTS.THIS WILL SURELY STOP ALL THE BULL BEFORE ALL THE CRAP BEGINS….JTD

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Never Give Up On Life

YOU MIGHT HAVE CANCER. YOU MIGHT HAVE AIDS. YOU MIGHT HAVE ALZHEIMER’S. YOU MIGHT BE FIGHTING ADDICTIONS. NOBODY MIGHT SEEM TO LOVE OR LIKE YOU. SOMETIMES YOUR ONLY FRIEND IS A BIRD IN THE TREE. EVEN THAT BIRD WILL EVENTUALLY FLY AWAY. YOUR TEARS SEEM MEANINGLESS WHEN AS SOON AS YOU STOP CRYING ABOUT ONE THING. YOU START CRYING ABOUT ANOTHER. ASKING SOMEONE TO LIFT THE ROCK THAT YOU ARE UNDER TO RELIEVE THE PRESSURE. MAKING YOU WANT TO GIVE UP THE FIGHT FOREVER. BUT JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS DOWN DEEP INSIDE. NEVER GIVE UP ON LIFE. SO LIFE WON’T GIVE UP ON YOU. IF THE SKY IN YOUR LIFE ISN’T BLUE THEN PUT ON SOMETHING BLUE AND MAKE LIFE DO WHAT IT DO. IF THE SUN DON’T SEEM TO SHINE. LIGHT A MATCH, TURN ON A LIGHT, OR JUST OPEN YOUR EYES WIDE AND SAY I SEE LIFE JUST FINE. TREES NEVER CRY WHEN THEY LOSE LEAVES SO DON’T YOU GIVE UP ON YOUR LIFE OR YOUR DREAMS….JTD

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One Tear

AS SHE LIT HER DRUGS THE CHILD LAUGHED IN BED BESIDE HER. SOON THE DRUGS TOOK OVER AND OUT THE DOOR SHE WENT. THE CHILD LAID THERE ON THE BED WATCHING NICK JR. HOURS PASSED AND THE CHILD LOOKED AND LOOKED FOR HER AROUND THE ROOM. SHE HAD LOCKED THE DOOR SO HER PARENTS COULDN’T GET IN. THE PARENTS DOWNSTAIRS BEDROOM WAS TO FAR TO HEAR THE CHILD CRY. THE CHILD BECAME HUNGRY AND SAW SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE CANDY, THAT WAS LEFT ON THE TABLE BY THE CHILD’S MOTHER. THE CHILD LAID BACK DOWN WITH WHAT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE CANDY AND STARTED BACK WATCHING NICK JR. THAT CHILD LAUGHED AND ATE. THE CHILD CRIED A LITTLE WHILE LOOKING AROUND FOR THE MOTHER TO RETURN. BUT THE CARTOONS KEPT THE BABY LAUGHING UNTIL THE CHILD ATE ONE TO MANY OF THE HEROIN PILLS. THE CHILD WAS FOUND DEAD WITH A SMILE AND ONE TEAR…….JTD

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Your Journey

When you start your path to sobriety it can be tricky. New problems will show up in your life. These problems are to test your sobriety. If you pay attention it will be a version of an old problem. It will test you to see if you rely on the drugs and drinking again like you use too. You know the arguments that lead to you walking out the house, jumping in the car. Then returning home late hours of the night talking about baby I’m hungry. While they sitting there wondering if whooping an addict with a belt is against the law. Sobriety isn’t a new shirt you wear every two to three days. It won’t turn off like a light bulb. It will lead you to new grounds and new paths if you let it. Now look in the mirror in your bathroom. First look at yourself with the light on for about ten minutes and really think about your life. Then turn the light off for ten minutes and look into the mirror and think. Now before you get mad at me for having you stand in the bathroom in the dark. Ask yourself which version of you made you feel better. If you can smile at the light just think of it as your sobriety. Then continue your journey through darkness……JTD

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The #1 Housing Initiative

Along the way I noticed we all meaning, college students, criminals, felons, etc…had something in common. No one really had a place to call home. My #1 Housing Initiative would allow anyone with a thousand dollars down to make and own themselves a home. It would have a thirty thousand dollar a year maximum income qualification. That way big businesses can’t buy up all the homes. These will be bank or private owned homes with a total price of five thousand dollars with a one hundred dollar monthly payment. The homes would be the abandoned homes we all see in the hood as they say. Helping everyone to have that place to call home. I wish one day these can be more than words. And no background checks just a written promise to have the home livable within two years. I wish for every man and women even criminals to have a chance to call somewhere home in this great america. People we been dancing a good dance, but how about we start getting down one time for our country……..JTD

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An Alcoholic’s equal attitude

After you begin to Jump Thru Darkness with your addictions you will become a different person. You will never see things as others see them. That’s because a drunk or addict doesn’t see things like color, race, or religion. Depending on when you started your habit, your habit helped you form your attitude towards life. As a drunk or addict whoever had was your friend. If someone wanted to get drunk and high with you nine times out of ten you was in. So when you Jump Thru Darkness and get clean don’t be surprised when it seems as if you are on another level in life. One that makes you feel like you have passed the color challenge. One that makes you feel as if you have painted a multi-colored race life style. One that makes you listen to any religion as long as it keeps you clean and sober. Somewhere while Jumping Thru Darkness you picked up a alcoholic’s equal attitude. Maybe that’s why Noah from the bible was called upon. Cause a drunk or an addict only see’s one world. Just a thought from a drunk…..JTD

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Fighting for your Dignity and Decency

Dear addictions,

You have taken my dignity and decency. While under addictions spell everything seems to be well. You do and learn things that seem okay in all life. But you never see the cost is your dignity and decency right. As addicts we sleep around, masturbate, cheat, lie, etc… and all in the world seems good. Your body will always like to feel good. Once you Jump Thru Darkness and become clean, you will notice that addictions still exist even when the drugs and alcohol are put down. You will notice habits you learned while in your addiction, that threatens your dignity and decency. It never bothered you before because your body loved it all. Now and forever more is the time to fight once more. You must Jump Thru Darkness to fight for your decency and dignity and return to normal. Don’t worry about being right or becoming a christian. Just worry about earning back your dignity and decency, while Jumping Thru Darkness with your sobriety…JTD

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Sobriety Is That Love Lost..

I would always say that I was alone. Whenever bad things happened I would swear no one cared about me. The drink was my family and friend. It really made me look for the wrong and sadness in everyone and everything. Making me need it more than a better life. When I became sober I learned that the endless pit of sadness and wrong was all created by me wanting to be a drunk. Fights with family and friends can all be added to the urge to have a reason to drink. Yes at first it started out fun with family and friends. Then it was every drink at every grouping that ended in arguments, so I would have a reason to lock myself alone in a room with my drink. Feelings like a person looking for a lost love drunken and alone. But when I tasted sobriety it was like a hidden gift to me. I no longer felt I needed love because for some reason I felt loved. I understand that for you things might feel as if you have lost a love. But no matter what it may cost, hold on to your sobriety cause it can be that love that you lost……..

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A.. STORY…

Well I kept walking after the story. I didn’t go back because I didn’t believe in sharing my beer lol….
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BIRD

You want to know what holding on to your sobriety really feels like. Well picture you just came home from the pet store. At that store you found the cutest bird with the softest feathers. Soon after day one, you will begin to learn what holding on to your sobriety, really means. In this case sobriety means bird. As you put the bird inside it’s cage for the first day. Sobriety means stable like a bird in a cage. On day two you take the bird and chain it to the balcony ledge. Sobriety means not to far to fast. On day three you put the bird on the ledge without chains. Sobriety means hoping the bird don’t fly away. That’s what sobriety and JUMPING THRU DARKNESS means everyday……..JTD

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Undeniable

As we look at all things in this world, we must learn to become more than what is believed to be our level of accomplishment. When you begin to JUMP THRU DARKNESS with sobriety, life, or even life choices and your own responsibility. Remember no one really likes the winner of the race. Let’s picture the ending of a great race, where everyone is cheering; even passing out balloons, as you raise your hand in victory. The saying goes don’t think people are happy for you. That’s what I was told when I began JUMPING THRU DARKNESS. But in my mind that didn’t bump me around at all. Cause I knew I was putting in the sobriety work to stay sober and rebuild something like a king’s life from scratch. Remember your greatest weapon isn’t telling them you are better. Your greatest weapon isn’t winning their friendship or enjoying funny colored balloons. Nope your greatest weapon is becoming undeniable in your fight for sobriety….JTD