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The Darkness Of An Addicts Soul….

Darkness is a scare most people are afraid of all their lives. Yet two people walk down a dark valley and one is in fear and the other is excited. That’s because one has great eye sight and the other is blind. The blind person is excited about the trip, smelling and listening to all the new things. The person with the good sight is scared to close their eyes on the other hand. With every step one is smiling with excitement while the other is scared to tears while walking side by side. In this example the blind person is you while under your addictions. The scared person is your soul knowing that your addictions are bad for you. Now either you smarten up and make it past that dark valley or you keep walking to what most would call a sad end. So even if you can only open your blind eyes a little, let that be the very moment you start to Jump Thru Darkness and let your sobriety stop being scared and let your sober journey begin…….JTD

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Sobriety Lights…….

Sobriety is like putting up Christmas lights. When you ride around your neighborhood you may only see a few others with lights up. Many look at how good things look but won’t put up lights themselves. Much like sobriety not everyone has the skills, means or effort to put up their own lights without help. Lights of forgiveness for their addictions. Lights of clean living that shines once you become sober. Lights of understanding a daily battle. Seeing others put up a good effort to enjoy life should be motivation for most. Seeing others get clean should make you feel and want to get clean. Start standing out in your sobriety so other addicts can be guided by your sobriety lights. Helping others to Jump Thru Darkness and achieve Sobriety….

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What About You….Podcast

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Jumping Thru Darkness Podcast

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Darkest Part Of The Sobriety Valley…

Tears of unsettled hearts. Dreams of an unseen vengeful GOD. As the devil plays all the parts. All the voices are venom to the crowd. Allowing the darkness to consume every heart. Dancing with fate to find answers. Just to be sent on a mission by the devil. But if you fall for the darkness, you will fall until the end. Like pedals falling off a rose wishing it would rain. Your imagination has become the devils new creation. But don’t let your own evil make you feel that you can’t reach sobriety. Cause sobriety is light in the darkness. Pain and sadness will cover your eyes. The darkness loves to blind. A fight with yourself that takes you from behind. Never making sense of what’s in your mind. Like jumping into a empty car with no gas. But a destination without sobriety has no end. So Jump Thru Darkness and find peace and direction through sobriety my friend….JTD

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Protect Your Sobriety Always

Okay picture the night scene in your head. It’s cold and you are using alcohol to stay warm. You started using alcohol to stay warm during college or even sooner when you got kicked out of the house and had nowhere to go. You are in a room any room will do because it all ends the same way. No matter if it’s a dorm room, friend’s room or your childhood bedroom. You have a bottle in your hand and drinking it like a engine drinks gas. Funny cause you drink like a older model car that smokes. Your favorite song is playing on the radio. The name of this song is Drunk forever by this dude named Kevin. The door opens and someone starts talking. You quickly point a finger and the bottle and say leave me alone. At that moment you start doing the two step around the room. You hear the person is saying something but as you dance all you hear is nothing. You say to them didn’t I tell you to leave me alone. They walk out and slam the door. For a brief moment you start to Jump Thru Darkness and wanna reach for the door behind them. But your bottle calls you to finish what you started there. So you turn the music louder and dance some more alone in the room. At that point do you really care about anything? Is it really alcohol to blame even when you are not harming anything. It ain’t easy living through drunk days. So when you get sober protect your sobriety always…..JTD

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Don’t Just Hear,Finally Listen

The fight for sobriety can be a tough one. Sitting in meetings thinking about all the other things you could be doing besides a meeting. Hating every story others tell. Looking at some of them like you shouldn’t be in a meeting you should be in jail. Feeling bad for yourself but Jesus got us all beat. He was tortured and nailed to a cross, while we cry and moan over an alcoholic defeat. While in our addictions we are told we are loved, but like rain bouncing off a coat we brush all emotions off. While Jumping Thru Darkness don’t just hear the words we love you from your family, husband ,wife or children. Nope try to fight a good fight and when they tell you they love you finally listen……JTD

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Empty Bottle Empty Life

Life of an addict can be very simple. The life of any addict can be summed up as Empty bottle Empty life. To any addict their addiction is the main thing they life for. Nope their lover is just as important as a gift they was given. A gift they can’t give away and they only keep them around cause it was a gift. That’s love to an addict. If that lover says they leaving and starts to walk out the door. The addict says with every emotional realness go ahead and go. But if the addicts bottle becomes empty and they don’t have money for more. They be laying down crying on the floor. Cause in an addicts mind a empty bottle feels as if their life is gone. More important than any husband or wife. To an addict an Empty Bottle Means A Empty Life…JTD

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Alone in a room….

Addictions will have you alone in a room can you make it out…..

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One fight against addictions video

Give sobriety a shot…….

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Care about your sobriety…

Even when you feel no one cares that’s when you should..

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Earning your life back. Click for video….

Get clean and stay clean….

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Click for video

Addictions can drown you………..

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SWIM

I was in a southern state inside an down south city, that smelled like a down south city with the temperature to match. You know the type of city that you don’t notice when night comes cause it’s so dirty. The type of city that you can drink 24 hours of the day missing sunrise and sunset cause everything just seems motionless. Where the cops just lean against a wall, and you tell them to chase you and they say, man go head on its too hot for that. The type of heat that your parents say i’m beat you when it get cold type of hot. Well one evening or morning honestly I can’t remember what time it was I was very much buzzed off liquor. Anyway walking back to my rented room I had to cross a bridge that crossed the river. As I got closer to the bridge something said,”swim”. Now I never walked without a beer. I sipped the drink and took another step forward. The wind blew me down and I rolled since the bridge was on a hill. I landed at the bottom. As I stood up all I could see in front of me was the water. I looked up the hill to the bridge and at that moment I heard, ” just swim across its quicker”. I walked to the edge of the water and its seemed as if the water was reaching for me. The waves reached further and further towards my shoes. I stood there for about 30 minutes sipping my drink thinking about swimming across. Wondering if it was a test from the God’s. I didn’t plan on failing any test from the God’s after all even to be hired as a janitor in heaven is better than earth’s hell. But at that moment I noticed something. I noticed I was out of drink. I can’t swim across empty handed I told myself. So I climbed up the hill, crossed the bridge and entered the nearest store. I left the store with something new to drink. I looked back at the bridge and finally Jumped Thru Darkness and said hell i’m almost home now and kept walking forward. As I walked away from the bridge I could still hear the words in the wind, ” come back for a swimmmmm”.

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Pain, Sadness, Guilt and Time (P.S.G.T)

If you are having problems staying clean and sober. Look to the water of the nearest river,lake or ocean. Just think you started to sober up and wondered how you ended up in the middle of that water about to drown. As your mind gets clearer you decide to fight for your life. Meaning you go swim like no swimmer has ever swam before. But you are then attacked by ( P.S.G.T). First you are grabbed by the legs with pain. The pain that made you get high. The pain that made you get drunk. So you start to swim a little slower. Next a storm of sadness covers the sky. You start remembering your lover leaving you. You start remembering all your friends that passed away. So you begin to swim even slower. At that point the fins of guilt surround you. You still try to swim but your own self induced guilt tries to stop you in place. Finally the huge waves of time passing while you barely swim takes it toll and you almost drown. As you wait in the water for someone to show up walking you have to Jump Thru Darkness and just think. Guilt is a two way street. Your addictions made you do things but those that condemn you aren’t addicts just pure evil. So start back swimming. Yes pain is there but pain is apart of life. So reach them arms out and swim a little more. Of course, sadness can make a home fall but sadness can be beaten with a simple smile. As for time well its a two edged thing. Because if you Jump Thru Darkness you will notice over time you stopped swimming and started walking and winning your life back…..JTD
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Filling Yourself With Something New…..

All addictions seem to fill us with things that meet the moment. Meaning your addiction makes you tough when you need to be tough. Your addiction makes you crafty when you need to make a cup or something to smoke with. It surely makes it easy to tell a story to get you out of a jam. But over the years you are filled with the emotions from your addictions. The you that was inside drowned over the years in your addictions. So when you Jump Thru Darkness and start your sobriety walk, you will notice the feeling of nothing! You might find yourself trying to balance to walk like a toddler. All old things like people and relationships will sound like bees buzzing and never shuts up. Every moment you find yourself saying ” they don’t know me like that”. If you look in the mirror at that same time even if you are clean you will see the face and red eyes of an addict. Something that worked for me is finding a moment to yourself to heal your mind and soul. Every now and then turn off the phone and Turn off the television. Find you a cook book and a old song your grandma would play. Then remember sitting in the kitchen eating those homemade biscuits. Rebuild your feelings from a special moment. Disregard the feelings that hurt and made you feel needy. Cause feeling needy leads to feeling lonely, and feeling lonely makes you want to party. Party leads to addictions…etc. So find a new routine and remember the good soul moments of your life and Jump Thru Darkness and get in that kitchen and make you a new meal to feel your new sobriety with….JTD

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Sobriety Is Often Solo

When you start to Jump Thru Darkness. It can make you feel like mending old relationships. No matter how clean you may become nothing can mend if the other side still have addictions in their lives. All you can do is demand respect from others for the new person you have become. If they refuse to respect the new image and dedication you have for your sobriety. No matter how much it hurts or how close you are to the person. Make your sobriety your shield. Those people will never change and the only thing that would happen is you would fall off the wagon. So like a champion remember there is only one belt in sobriety and you are the one wearing it. You did the steps for you, you changed for you, you won for you…..So Jump Thru Darkness and don’t lose for them!!!!!

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REVISITING KIM

I REMEMBER KIM SAYING TO ME. YES I USE MEN FOR THEIR MONEY. YES MEN USE ME FOR MY BODY BUT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY MIND. SO IN BOOK ONE I TELL YOU HOW I HAD JUST ARRIVED IN HER CITY BY BUS AND SHE WAS WORKING THE SIDEWALK. SHE WAS A VERY GOOD WORKER. SHE HAD NO COMPLAINTS BY ANYONE. I ARRIVED LATE TOO LATE TO RENT A ROOM OR GO TO THE SHELTER. SHE WALKED OVER TO ME AND TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT YOU CAN READ IT IN BOOK ONE. SHE LET ME STAY IN HER HOTEL ROOM FOR THE NIGHT AS LONG AS I WATCHED HER BABY THAT SHE HAD LEFT ALONE TO MAKE MONEY. SO YEARS LATER I RETURNED AND FOUND KIM THE MANAGER OF THAT SAME BUS STATION ( SHE WORKED AND SOLD HER BODY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP ). THAT WAS YEARS AGO, A FEW DAYS AGO KIM FOUND ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU GUYS THIS, KIM SAID ” LISTEN PEOPLE I KNOW I DID SOME SAD AND UNLADY LIKE THINGS BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND I WAS DOING EVERYTHING I DID FOR ME AND MY CHILD. PEOPLE ALWAYS ASSUME YOU OF BEING A BAD PERSON BECAUSE YOU DO THINGS OTHERS FROWN DOWN ON. THEN SHE SAID THEM SAME PEOPLE DIDN’T LEND A HAND. THEN SAME PEOPLE DIDN’T FEED MY CHILD. THEM SAME PEOPLE WALKED BY WHEN I WAS IN THE STREETS WORKING AND INSTEAD OF HELPING ALL THEY DID IS RUN THEY MOUTHS OR DO BUSINESS WITH ME. FUNNY THEY DON’T TALK WHEN THEY GETTING THEY FREAK ON. NOW I’M THE DISTRICT MANAGER WITH A HUSBAND AND FOUR KIDS. I’M THE BOSS OF MY OWN LIFE. YES THEY STILL TALK ABOUT ME AND WHAT I USE TO DO BUT I JUMPED THROUGH DARKNESS AND SAID TO MYSELF, EVERYDAY IS MY WAY LIFE GAVE ME SOMETHING. WHAT ABOUT YOU…..I TOLD KIM I WAS PROUD OF HER. SHE THEN TOLD ME WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE THINGS WE DID WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER. I TOLD HER NO WE DON’T. I TOLD HER I REMEMBER THEM NIGHTS VERY, VERY WELL. THEN I TOLD HER SOME FIRES YOU LET DIE. YES A FIRE THAT BURNED LIKE OURS WAS GREAT THEN BUT WE MAY JUST GET BURNED NOW. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HEART VS THE MIND AND WE BOTH KNOW OR MINDS WOULD WANT OUR HEARTS TO RELIVE THOSE NIGHTS BUT WE KNOW IT WOULDN’T END RIGHT. I THEN SAID YES IT WAS GOOD THEN AND BLEW OUR MINDS BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE SHOULD PRESS REWIND. WE ARE JUMPING THROUGH DARKNESS FOR A BETTER FUTURE NOT TO RELIVE THE PAST. SHE SAID WHATEVER I’M BE IN TOWN THIS WEEKEND WRITE MY ROOM NUMBER DOWN……..SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE BUT AT LEAST SHE HAD A PLAN. SOME PEOPLE DO THE SAME THING AND TRY TO SLEEP THEIR WAY TO THE TOP. ONLY THING IS THEY NEED TO JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND OPEN THEIR EYES TO THE FACT THAT FIRST YOU NEED A JOB. MANY SLEEP THEY WAY TO THE TOP OF AN IMAGINARY JOB. LEAVING THEMSELVES WITH BROKEN HOPES AND DREAMS. SO WHATEVER YOU DO IN LIFE MAKE IT COUNT…..JTD

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IF YOU DON’T YOU WON’T

IF YOU DON’T THINK IT. YOU WON’T DRINK IT. IF YOU DON’T HOLD ONE. YOU WON’T HAVE ONE. IF YOU DON’T BUY NONE. YOU WON’T NEED NONE. JUST HAVE SOME CLEAN FUN. IF YOU NEED HERE’S A JTD TRICK THAT YOU CAN USE. GET YOU SOME KOOL AID SINGLES AND PUT THEM IN YOUR POCKET OR PURSE. RED IS THE BEST COLOR AND I’M TELL YOU WHY. IF AT A CLUB AND YOU FIGHTING NOT TO DRINK. ASK FOR A GLASS OF WATER. THEN MIX IN THE KOOL AID. DON’T DO IT IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS CAUSE THEY WILL KNOCK IT OUT YOUR HAND. NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE DRUNK AGAIN. NOPE DO IT SO NO ONE SEE’S THEN AS YOU WALK UP TO THEM, IF THEY ASK YOU TELL THEM ITS A MIXED DRINK. TRUST ME NO ONE WILL HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY. BUT IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF KOOL AID AND THIRSTY THEY WILL SAY WOW YOU CAN DRINK. BUT NEVERTHELESS YOU WILL BE JUMPING THROUGH DARKNESS AND HAVE FUN WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS WITH YOUR KOOL AID SUPPOSE TO BE LIQUOR DRINK. SO REMEMBER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DRINK YOU WON’T…….JTD  

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I WAS THE MAN

I WAS THE MAN WHEN I WAS DRINKING AND DRUGGING EVERY NIGHT. WASN’T I THE MAN WHEN I HELPED YOU FIGHT. I KNOW I WAS THE MAN WHEN SHE LET ME STAY OVER EVERY NIGHT. BUT WAS I THE MAN WHEN THE JUDGE SAID 10, 20, TWO LIFE. DID THE TEARS FROM MY EYES MAKE ME LESS THAN A MAN FOR THE CRIMES. BUT IN MY MIND AS I STOOD THERE I COULD STILL SMILE CAUSE I KNEW SOMEBODY WAS STILL CALLING ME THE MAN SOMEWHERE. DIDN’T I JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS AND STEAL A METER WHEN YOUR LIGHTS GOT TURNED OFF. DIDN’T I JUMP THROUGH DARKNESS WHEN I CALLED THE MANAGER AT THAT THERE RESTAURANT AND SAID MY ORDER WAS MESSED UP. EVEN WHEN I DIDN’T BUY FOOD BECAUSE I NEEDED TO FEED YOU. I KNOW I WAS THE MAN WHEN I SHOWED UP TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOU AND YOUR SISTER WAS BOTH HAVING MY KIDS. I MEAN EVEN AS THEY TAKE ME TO DO MY TIME.  I WAS THE MAN WASN’T I ???……JTD